Here's the short version: when a marriage ends, the two of you stop sharing a life, but your accounts don't get the memo. Passwords, recovery emails, family plans, the laptop in the spare room - all of it still assumes you're a team. A divorce digital security checklist is just the work of telling each account what you already know, one item at a time.

To be clear, this doesn't mean you think your ex is a villain. Most people aren't reading anyone's email. But "probably isn't" and "can't" are different things, and only one is yours to fix. Sorting your accounts out is normal self-protection, like changing the locks when you move. It isn't paranoia, and it isn't a statement about her.

Key Takeaways

  • The biggest digital risk during a separation isn't a stranger. It's someone who already knows your passwords, your kids' names, and your security answers.
  • One in two Australian adults (51%) have experienced technology-facilitated abuse, and 37% of victim-survivors said the person responsible was a current or former partner (ANROWS, 2022).
  • Work top-down: email first, then money, then everything that hangs off them.
  • You don't need to finish in a day. You need an hour, a list, and the willingness to close one account.

Work through this in order. Each section is a small checklist. Tick what you can today, leave the rest for tomorrow. The point is steady, not heroic.

Why does digital security matter so much during a divorce?

Because the person on the other side of this isn't a faceless hacker. They know your old passwords, your mum's maiden name, the street you grew up on, and the PIN you've used since 2009. Every security question you've ever set, they could answer over a cup of tea.

The numbers back this up. Norton found that 7% of adults who'd been in a relationship admitted to using an app to monitor a partner's messages, calls, or photos (Norton, 2022). In the UK, Refuge found that more than one in three women had experienced online abuse, and of those, one in six said it came from a current or former partner (Refuge, 2021).

Worth knowing. Kaspersky detected 31,031 unique people affected by stalkerware - software secretly installed to monitor a phone - across 175 countries in 2023 (Kaspersky, 2024).

So the threat here is specific. It isn't crime gangs - it's that you built a digital life with someone, and now you need your half back. One caution: if this stops feeling like admin and starts feeling like fear, stop reading checklists and talk to a professional or a domestic-violence helpline. You don't have to do that alone.

Where should you start?

Start with email, because email is the master key. If someone gets into your main inbox, they can reset the password on nearly everything else. After email, go for money, then the accounts that hang off both. Here's the order I'd use:

  1. Main email - the account that resets all the others.
  2. Phone account - a SIM swap or number transfer can intercept your codes.
  3. Apple ID / Google Account - these hold your photos, location, and backups.
  4. Banking and super - where real harm happens fastest.
  5. Everything else - streaming, shopping, social, smart home.

How do you sort out your passwords?

Stop reusing them, and get a password manager to do the remembering for you. Google's research with Harris Poll found that 65% of people reuse the same password across multiple accounts (Google / Harris Poll, 2019). If that's you, one leaked password is every password.

  • Pick a password manager and set it up. The built-in ones (Apple Passwords, Google Password Manager) are fine.
  • Change your main email password first. Make it long, and one you've never used before.
  • Change any password your ex might know or could guess. Assume the old ones are compromised.
  • Set a strong master password for the manager, and write it down somewhere physical and private.
  • Work through the rest over a few sittings. You don't have to do them all tonight.

[PERSONAL EXPERIENCE] I put this off for weeks because it felt like a mountain. What worked was five accounts a night after the kids were down - email and the bank first, then five more. By the end of the week it was done, without clearing a Saturday I didn't have. The full version is here: is my ex still in my accounts?

What needs two-factor authentication first?

Your email, your bank, your Apple ID, and your Google Account - in that order. Two-factor authentication means that even with your password, someone still can't get in without a code from your phone. Two-factor is the deadbolt.

The numbers. Google found that simply adding a recovery phone number, so a code is sent on login, blocked 100% of automated bot attacks and 96% of bulk phishing attempts (Google, 2019).

  • Turn on 2FA for your main email.
  • Turn it on for your bank and any investment or super accounts.
  • Turn it on for your Apple ID and your Google Account.
  • Use an authenticator app over text messages where you can - texts can be intercepted.
  • Save your backup codes somewhere only you can reach.

How do you separate the accounts you used to share?

Untangle them one by one, and watch the ones with a saved card. The accounts you forget stay shared longest - streaming logins, cloud storage, the family plan that shares your location and spending.

  • Streaming and shopping - change the password, remove saved cards that are yours, check who's signed in.
  • Apple Family Sharing / Google Family - leave the group, or remove people who shouldn't see your purchases, location, or photos.
  • Shared cloud storage - move your photos and documents to your own account so they're not syncing to one she can open.
  • Family phone plan - it can show call logs, data use, and location. Splitting it beats trusting the settings.
  • Smart home gear - doorbell cameras, speakers, thermostats. Reset anything that lived in the house.

One caution. If money isn't settled, don't lock anyone out of a genuinely joint account without advice - that belongs with your solicitor in the loop. Securing your own accounts is a separate job. There's more on coping with divorce as a man when the practical and the emotional pile up together.

How do you lock down your email and recovery options?

Change the password, turn on 2FA, then clean out the recovery options - the part everyone skips. They're the back door: if your ex is still a recovery email or phone number, they can reset your password without knowing the current one.

  • Change the email password (you may have done this already - good).
  • Confirm 2FA is on.
  • In recovery settings, remove old phone numbers, a shared backup email, or your ex's number as a trusted contact.
  • Open "active sessions" and sign out anything you don't recognize - an old laptop, a tablet at the house, a login from a town you've never been to.
  • Review forwarding rules and delete any you didn't set. A quiet rule can copy every message to another inbox.

Should you turn off location sharing?

Yes - decide who genuinely needs to see where you are, and switch off the rest. Find My, Google location sharing, Life360, and the location buried in family plans all keep broadcasting long after a relationship ends.

  • Review who can see you in Find My (iPhone) or Google location sharing, and remove anyone who shouldn't.
  • Check Life360 or any family tracker and leave the circles you don't need.
  • If you share location for the kids, keep what the kids need and remove the parts that track you.
  • Turn off location data on your photos - they can carry where they were taken.

There's a more detailed walk-through on how to remove Find My iPhone when you separate if Apple's setup is the one tripping you up.

How do you keep an eye on your money?

Turn on alerts, read your statements, and watch the accounts and cards that used to be shared. Money is where a problem does damage fastest, so this is about noticing early.

  • Turn on transaction alerts for every account and card, so a charge pings your phone as it happens.
  • Read your statements properly for the next few months - subscriptions on a shared card, transfers you didn't make, new payees you don't recognize.
  • Check your credit report. It's free, and it shows if anyone's opened credit in your name.
  • Update your bank contact details so notifications come to your number and email, not an old shared one.

What about social media privacy?

Tighten the settings and assume anything public can be read by anyone, including people connected to your ex. You don't need to vanish - just control who sees what, and stop leaking your location, routine, and who you're with.

  • Set your main profiles to private or friends-only.
  • Review your followers and remove anyone you'd rather not have watching.
  • Turn off location tags on posts.
  • Check which apps are connected to your accounts and revoke the ones you don't use.
  • Change the password and check active sessions here too.

What about the devices your ex might still have access to?

Treat any device she could have touched as untrusted until you've checked it. Shared iPads, an old phone, the family laptop. This is the route monitoring software travels. Stalkerware isn't a movie plot - Kaspersky's count of more than 31,000 affected people in a single year is the floor, not the ceiling (Kaspersky, 2024).

  • Sign your accounts out of any shared device and remove saved passwords from it.
  • On your own phone, check for apps you don't remember installing, especially ones with broad permissions or no clear icon.
  • Check your phone isn't backing up to a shared account or managed by a profile you didn't set up.
  • If something feels off - odd battery drain, settings changing on their own - back up your data and factory reset.
  • Keep your phone locked with a passcode only you know. Change it if your ex ever knew the old one.

[PERSONAL EXPERIENCE] The thing that unsettled me most wasn't dramatic. It was realising the old iPad in the kitchen drawer was still signed into my email and photos, and had been for years. Nobody was using it against me, but I'd never once thought about it, and that was the point. The risk isn't always someone doing something - sometimes it's just a door you left open and forgot.

Do you need a new email just for the legal side?

Yes - set up a fresh, private address and use it only for your solicitor, your finances, and anything sensitive. Your everyday inbox has years of history on it. A clean account, with a strong password and 2FA from day one, keeps legal correspondence somewhere nobody else has ever had.

  • Create a new email address from scratch.
  • Set a strong, unique password and turn on 2FA straight away.
  • Use it only for legal, financial, and sensitive matters - not newsletters or shopping.
  • Give this address, not your old one, to your solicitor.

If documents are going back and forth, it's worth knowing how to securely share documents with your solicitor rather than firing PDFs around as attachments.

Before the list runs your week

You don't have to do all of this today, and you shouldn't try. Pick the top four - email, phone, Apple or Google, bank - and get those finished. A checklist survives the days you can't face it, because it remembers where you got to even when you don't.

This is the practical end of sorting out your security after a separation, and one of the few parts of a divorce you can actually complete. So much of this season is half-decided and waiting on someone else. This isn't. You can close a door fully, today, on your own.

Frequently asked questions

What's the single most important thing to do first?

Secure your main email. It's the master key - almost every other account resets its password through your inbox. Change the email password, turn on two-factor authentication, and remove any old recovery phone numbers or backup emails. If you only do one thing this week, do that one properly.

Can my ex really track my phone after we separate?

They can if location sharing is still on, or if a tracking app was installed while you shared a life. Both are common, and both are fixable. Turn off Find My and any family-tracker access, check for apps you don't recognize, and reset the device if anything feels wrong. It's usually a forgotten setting, not a plot.

What if I'm genuinely afraid for my safety?

Then this checklist isn't the right tool, and you shouldn't sort it out alone. Reach out to a domestic-violence helpline or the police. Tech safety in that situation needs care, sometimes in a specific order, so you don't tip someone off. Get proper support first. The accounts can wait an hour; your safety can't.

If this was useful, I send a short note now and then to men working through the same things - calm, practical, no noise. You can sign up below. No pitch, just the next honest step when I've got one.

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